he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
worst night to have a conscience
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
