her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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