so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
