2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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