i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
