I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
