I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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