shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
