Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
