well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
