sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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