Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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