This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
