3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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