if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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