Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
