i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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