i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
