I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
