i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
