it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
