Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize