Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
