drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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