fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
