i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
