Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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