Where is the hickey?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
