so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
