No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
