i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
