So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
