The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
