Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
