would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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