Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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