"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
COCAINE IS GR8
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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