And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
