During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize