Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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