That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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