Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
