Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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