My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize