this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
