A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
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My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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