My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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