He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
