You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
