we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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