wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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