How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Boobs are out for the taking
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
