my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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