oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
