I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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