i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
