my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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