I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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