alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
