I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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