We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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